Feminism in 2016 - The Basics

I’ve been a feminist for a good long time now. That’s not nearly as controversial a statement as it was when I first declared “I am a feminist,” ten years ago, but that could have had more to do with the upper middle-class high school environment I was entrenched in at the time, than a significant shift in society...But regardless, since I started paying attention to all things gendered, I, personally, have felt the tone change. Feminist isn’t a dirty word nowadays. It isn’t met with narrowed eyes, an aggressive weight shift, and the inevitable questioning about why it is you hate men. It’s not even necessarily something you need to declare anymore. Nowadays, it’s more controversial as a woman to claim you’re not a feminist.

As being a feminist becomes trendier and more popular, I see a lot of misunderstandings of what that truly means and arguments resulting from it. Now, like I’ve said before, I’m just a 25-year-old jackass who’s yapping about shit she really doesn’t understand, and I’m in no way shape or form an authority on sociology. But I have been actively using that title for ten years, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t ever get overly worked up and go on a vitriolic feminist rant. I’ve also spent a significant amount of time in a society that is far more misogynistic than I’ve experienced anywhere in America. I went to a college swarming in negging greeks, male and female alike, and managed to make it through with my self esteem mostly intact. My point is...if there’s one topic that I really feel like I understand the fundamentals of, it’s feminism. So, I put together a list of some basic feminist ideas that I believe form the foundation for a good, equality-focused mindset when discussing the topic:

1. My favorite definition of “Feminist” comes from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED Talk (yes, the one Bey sampled): A person who believes in the social, political, and economical equality of the sexes. I am drawn to this one because of its simplicity: all one must do is hold that belief, and one is a feminist. There’s no list of behaviors that would make a woman worthy of being considered equal, no dos and don’ts of how to interact with a woman...you either believe that, or you don’t. Even if you don’t actively label yourself a feminist, or consciously deny the title...if you hold that belief, then you are a feminist.
2. Related to that, I find the trend to use the term “humanist” instead of “feminist” counterproductive to the entire point. Nowadays, feminism is much more focused on promoting equality than fixing a large deficit, and many kinds of struggles that women faced even 30 years ago today are obsolete. But to deny the title feminist in favor of something less offensive strikes me as...pandering. It’s intended to distance oneself from the movement because of the associated controversy. It’s a slap in the face to the women who came before us and wore the title feminist proudly despite much worse discrimination at the time. Acknowledging that women have come far and are doing much better nowadays is perfectly fine, but to deny that part of the story of getting here as something...incendiary or naughty...is hypocritical.
3. One of the most popular concepts you’ll hear in your first psychology/sociology/gender studies class is that gender is a social construct separate from biological sex. This handy little piece of information can add weight to pretty much any argument about gender identity, sexuality, or feminism. For feminism, specifically, the biggest takeaway from that idea is that masculinity and femininity are not a dichotomy, but rather a dynamic spectrum of self-expression. The existence of third genders in societies, such as the Fa’afafine in Samoa, are evidence enough that human beings are not split evenly between masculine men and feminine women. What is male does not equate to that which is not female, and vice versa. Rather, we express our identities in various levels of masculinity and femininity, regardless of what our biological sex happens to be. For example, I have extremely short hair with a shaved side; an undeniably masculine style.That fact doesn’t make me any less of a woman, or make it harder for me to identify as one. Conversely, I much prefer wearing colorful, feminine, and flowy sun dresses rather than pants. That preference doesn’t make me any more of a woman in the same way. Those are simply two aspects of my appearance that make me Sara Kate Bowyer.The two preferences don’t cause me any cognitive dissonance about my gender, either. I am perfectly happy expressing masculine and feminine aspects of my personality and sexual identity (as opposed to sexual preference). Viewing them as a dichotomy is the root of a great deal of sexism, as I will explain further…
4. Yes, sometimes your sex does make a difference. Notice that the feminism definition says nothing about biological equality. The important thing to do is view them as differences, not pros and cons. Men are traditionally viewed as the stronger of the sexes, but that is because our measures of strength have been created in a society that has valued masculinity. If we were to define the “stronger” of the sexes by flexibility and core strength, the average woman would outdo the average man every time. One sex is not stronger than the other, we simply have different kinds of strength. But there are differences, and denying that they exist is to deny parts of our identities as men and women, whether cis or trans.
5. Men do, in fact, experience discrimination and prejudice because of sexism too, but in a different way. Our society values masculinity over femininity (don’t forget my point earlier about this concept being different than valuing a biological male over a female), which makes men who do not always exhibit masculinity targets of sexism. Whereas women are demonized because we are seen as the personification of femininity, men are demonized for deviating from traditional masculinity. When someone says “act like a man,” or “you play like a girl,” those statements refer back to the idea that gender is a dichotomy...which we now know is a fallacy. By equating masculinity to manhood and positivity, we marginalize both women and men who don’t want to fit that cookie cutter of “manhood.” We can easily point to homophobia and transphobia to see violent, upsetting, and everyday examples of this destructive mindset. But even straight, cis men can face this kind of discrimination. For example, my boyfriend Calder is a talented artist. He paints and sculpts in his spare time, whether for an elaborate Halloween costume or just to blow off some steam. Whenever he goes to a craft store for supplies, he endures endless snide comments about “So what are you getting for your girlfriend?” “You know it’s close to Halloween when there’s a guy in here…” “Wow, you’re here by yourself? You’re brave.” He finds it similarly frustrating as I find walking into an auto shop and hearing “So what did your dad send you in here for?”
6. Some of the best feminists I know are men, and some of the worst misogynists are women. Our sexes do not define which side of the sexism/feminism debate we reside on. If we are truly pushing for “social, political, and economic equality of the sexes,” then we need to acknowledge the negative side of equality...being that every single person is capable of great good, and also great evil. By assuming that men cannot be feminists or allies to women, we continue to support the same kind of “us vs. them” mentality that created sexism in the first place. Feminism is for all of us, women and men alike.
7. Being a feminist does not equate to rejecting femininity or your identity as a woman. I absolutely loathe the phrase “I’m not like most girls,” because all that does is perpetuate the demonization of femininity by distancing yourself from it. You don’t have to hate the color pink. You don’t have to not wear make up. You don’t have to avoid fruity cocktails at the bar. You can do whatever floats your boat and still expect to be treated equally politically, socially, and economically regardless of what that is...and if anyone calls you “basic,” that’s 100% their problem and you can tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re a housewife with 3 kids who drives a minivan? Fuck yeah, soccer mama! You’re a driven career woman travelling all over the world? That’s amazing, take me with you! You’re a single mom working your way through school? I can help you study! You’re a metalhead covered in piercings and tattoos and spend all your money on music and art? Let’s go to a show! Women have spent centuries being mocked and marginalized for the things we do, no matter what they are. Make a conscious effort to support other women in their endeavors without jealousy or judgment. Listen to Amy Poehler and practice saying the phrase “good for you, not for me.” Don’t tear other women down because they make different decisions than you, celebrate them for it.
8. In my opinion, one of the biggest challenges women today face is victim-blaming. I don’t even feel that I should have to explain why it’s fucked up and destructive. If a woman comes to you and admits that she was assaulted, harassed, or anything along those lines, and your first response is to guess at how she brought that on herself, then shame on you. If you do the same to a man, then shame on you as well. This is one of those issues that goes beyond gender, but in practice a disproportionate number of women will face this kind of dehumanizing questioning. If you have that knee-jerk reaction, check yourself and make a conscious effort to rethink the schema your stereotype is drawing from. If you hear someone else question a woman about what she was wearing or how she was behaving etc., politely point out that no one first asks a burglary victim if they left their front door wide open. There are small things that we can all do every day to make our society more inclusive, accepting, and equal.
9. And my final foundational concept for feminism in the 21st century may just be the most liberating of them all: women don’t have to be pretty. It sounds like common sense, but I find that I have great trouble trying to properly put it into words. The most eloquent way I’ve ever heard comes from a fashion blog titled A Dress A Day, and I’ve only read it because a friend whom I admire posts it twice a year as a reminder to the women in her life: “Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’,” (http://dressaday.com/2006/10/20/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty/). We have this ridiculous notion that women owe attractiveness to the public, but that’s simply not true. From a young age that burden is placed on us with statements like “this is my daughter, isn’t she beautiful?” Why don’t we introduce her as intelligent, healthy, or accomplished? We place female beauty above other, demonstrably more valuable traits. This is not to say that beauty is negative or that feeling pretty is wrong, in fact it’s pretty damn awesome to feel like a gorgeous queen! But is it more important than being happy or healthy? Definitely not. The next time you feel compelled to compliment a woman’s appearance, consider praising her for a different trait, such as her strength or her fashion choices. Stop focusing so intently on female beauty, as it is one very small aspect of a person’s identity, and celebrate all of the wonderful things that make us individuals.

I think the most fascinating part of social movements like feminism, is that these so-called fundamentals I’ve laid out will become irrelevant and outdated in ten years. We will continue to evolve, to push forward, and hopefully do so for the better of all of us. I look forward to the day when my views are obsolete, because that will mean that society hasn’t stagnated. I welcome a discussion with anyone about the topics I’ve brought up here, because it is those kinds of conversations that drive our evolution.